Black Mothers and Grandmothers Have Been Our Saving Grace

I, like many other African Americans, had the mixed-blessing of growing up under the care and watch of several strong Black women including my mother, grandmother, great-aunt, and great grandmother. It was clear that the matriarch of our family was my great grandmother.

Although I often took my great-grandmother’s presence and counsel for granted, on occasion I took the time to study this amazing woman who dipped snuff, always wore an apron, used a paper bag to make hair rollers, wasn’t afraid to shoot a rifle or kill a snake, and often sat in her rocking chair with the bible in her lap. Often times, this stately woman—in the middle of canning vegetables or fruit, sewing a quilt, picking beans, cleaning greens, planting flowers, or hanging out cloths, would take time to deposit into my spirit many seeds of wisdom that she no doubt hoped would germinate in due season. Interestingly, some times, her wisdom seeds would come from unusual sources including the cool-calm-and-collected Victor Newman on the “Young and the Restless” or Kenny Rogers playing the shrewd “Gambler.” I remember her approval and applaud, “yes suh, yes suh” of Kenny Rogers’ famous line, “you got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.” There are a sundry of valuable lessons that my great grandmother taught such as being patient and trusting God because “all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord,” or “don’t do evil for evil, let the Lord fix it,” or “don’t worry, God will make a way out of no way.”

My experience is not unique. Even today many Black grandmothers are stepping in, picking up the pieces and holding Black families together. According to 2000 U.S. Census data, 2.4 million grandparents, 21% who are over the age of 65, are the sole care providers to an estimated 4.5 million children under the age of 18 live. In North Carolina, according to the Children’s Defense Fund, 86,482 of grandparents are rearing their grandchildren of which 17,959 (20.8 percent) live in poverty. The effects are particularly dramatic for African American grandparents who are more likely to live at or below poverty level and without adequate social supports and financial resources (wealth assets) than any other race/ethnic group.

It is undeniable that Black women are the quintessential survivors who have been through a lot and endured it all. Marian Wright Edelman, the founder and executive director of the Children’s Defense Fund stated, “The Black family has been the strongest defense Black children have had throughout our history and must become so again.” Without minimizing the critical role of productive and strong Black males in rearing children, I contend that historically, Black grandmothers and mothers have been the strongest defense for Black children. They—Black grandmothers and mothers—have been the Black community’s saving grace.

Despite the lasting and significant contributions of Black mothers and grandmothers, there is evidence to suggest that a new generation of young Black mothers and grandmothers is emerging. This new generation is failing miserably at the most important job they will ever have to perform—rearing Black girls and boys to become healthy and productive Black men and women. I don’t ignore the structural social forces that are wreaking havoc in the black community and making it hard for Black families to thrive and survive e.g. racism, poverty, violence, victimization, poor education, substandard housing, and inadequate health care. However, even in the midst of struggle, the task of rearing Black children to succeed against all odds must not go unattended.

As a community, we must recommit ourselves to restoring the village that was once in tact and a critical determinant of our collective progress. We must establish and implement through our social, faith and community-based organizations programs that teach young mothers how to be exemplary parents and positive role models for their children. We must teach young mothers how to create environments where hope grows, and where children are protected from harm, have pride in themselves, confidence in their abilities, and faith in a God is able to do any thing but fail.

In essence, we must help young mothers to realize that as Langston Hughes wrote in his famous poem “Mother to Son,” which I revised for the occasion, that:

“Life isn’t a crystal stair. It’s got tacks in it, splinters, and boards torn up and places with no carpet on the floor—bare. But all the time, you must keep on climbing on, and reaching landings, and turning corners, and sometimes going in the dark, where there isn’t any light. No matter what, you mustn’t turn back or sit down on the steps because you find it’s hard. Don’t you fall now but keep on going, keep on climbing and just know that for mothers, especially Black mothers, life isn’t, has never been, and won’t ever be a crystal stair.”

Who Cries for Young Black Males?

When I heard about the tragic and senseless murder of UNC student Eve Carson, I remember standing in my living room completely fixated on the local news with this hollow feeling fermenting in my stomach accompanied by an overwhelming sense of sadness. “Lord have mercy, God please don’t let the perpetrators be Black,” I silently prayed. I wish I could say that my mind is at ease now that the two suspects have been apprehended. However, instead of peace and resolve, there is a haunting in my spirit that on occasion interrupts my sleep and troubles my mind. This case and many others cause me to ask: What on earth is happening to our young Black males?

Contrary to a popular opinion, the majority of our young people, Black youth included, are managing to navigate through turbulent adolescent years and overcome life threatening obstacles (i.e. abject poverty, abuse and neglect) without succumbing to persistent patterns serious and chronic antisocial or other risk behaviors (unprotected and premature sexual activity, drug and alcohol use). However, when you disaggregate the local, state, and national youth risk behaviors data (crime, health, and school) what you will find is that Black youth in particular and Black males in general are represented at a disproportionately higher percentage than their peers of other race/ethnic groups in several major areas of disturbance including violent crime, sexual activity and related outcomes e.g. cases of sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and school drop out. Black males share the brunt of these numbers among the youth and Black youth population. Research has shown that Black male students, when compared to other students by age, gender and race—consistently rank lowest in all academic achievement measures; are suspended and expelled at higher rates; are most likely to drop out of school, fail to graduate from high school or to earn a GED; and are more likely than males from any other race/ethnic group to be placed in classes for the educable mentally retarded and for students with learning disabilities. A recent study published by The Schott Foundation for Public Education (2006) based in Cambridge, Mass. also found that the national high school graduation rate for African-American male students was 45% (2003/2004) compared to 70 percent of white male students. The Sentencing Project reports that for young Black males in their twenties, 1 in every 8 is in prison or jail on any given day. And, Black youth in general and males in particular are overrepresented at all stages of the US Juvenile Justice System compared with their proportion of the U.S. population. Similar patterns exist in North Carolina’s schools and juvenile justice system. In North Carolina, for the last fifteen years of data that I have observed, Black youth have accounted for more than 60% of all juvenile commitments to our state’s secured custody juvenile facilities referred to as Youth Development Centers (formerly Training Schools).

I can’t help but wonder in light of the many people who cried for Eve Carson (and rightfully so), who cried for Demario Atwater and Lawrence Lovett Jr.? Their situation is just as tragic. Most importantly, who is crying for the salvation of young Black males? While it easy to paint young killers in our midst as evil and callous monsters, the harsh reality that we all must accept is that unlike the fictional character “Topsy” in Uncle Tom’s Cabin, these children didn’t just grow out of nothing or nowhere but they are members of the families that live next door and products of our community. And, guess what folks—there’s potentially more Demario and Lawrence’s out there on our watch.

We must come to terms with the fact that keeping children safe from harm and from harming others is everybody’s business. We can not afford to keep doing business as usual where we use sensational cases to advance political agendas or leverage funding for agencies or programs that have very little stake, connection or buy-in from the communities and populations they are proposing to serve. As we have learned the stakes for the Black community are way too high. We have an alarming number of young Black males in particular and poor and disenfranchised youth in general who, in the absence of positive and caring adult role models and mentors, safe homes and communities, and positive educational and employment opportunities, will continue to choose death over life, be it their life or some one else’s.

The sobering assessment is that this is how it has been, however, in an area like the Triangle that is surrounded by a wealth or resources—intellectual academies (e.g. universities, research institutes), funding pools (e.g. Fortune 500 businesses and multimillion dollar companies), and human capital—this is not how it has to be. We must declare that by any means necessary, not one more Black youth will kill or be killed on our watch.