Black Mothers and Grandmothers Have Been Our Saving Grace

I, like many other African Americans, had the mixed-blessing of growing up under the care and watch of several strong Black women including my mother, grandmother, great-aunt, and great grandmother. It was clear that the matriarch of our family was my great grandmother.

Although I often took my great-grandmother’s presence and counsel for granted, on occasion I took the time to study this amazing woman who dipped snuff, always wore an apron, used a paper bag to make hair rollers, wasn’t afraid to shoot a rifle or kill a snake, and often sat in her rocking chair with the bible in her lap. Often times, this stately woman—in the middle of canning vegetables or fruit, sewing a quilt, picking beans, cleaning greens, planting flowers, or hanging out cloths, would take time to deposit into my spirit many seeds of wisdom that she no doubt hoped would germinate in due season. Interestingly, some times, her wisdom seeds would come from unusual sources including the cool-calm-and-collected Victor Newman on the “Young and the Restless” or Kenny Rogers playing the shrewd “Gambler.” I remember her approval and applaud, “yes suh, yes suh” of Kenny Rogers’ famous line, “you got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.” There are a sundry of valuable lessons that my great grandmother taught such as being patient and trusting God because “all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord,” or “don’t do evil for evil, let the Lord fix it,” or “don’t worry, God will make a way out of no way.”

My experience is not unique. Even today many Black grandmothers are stepping in, picking up the pieces and holding Black families together. According to 2000 U.S. Census data, 2.4 million grandparents, 21% who are over the age of 65, are the sole care providers to an estimated 4.5 million children under the age of 18 live. In North Carolina, according to the Children’s Defense Fund, 86,482 of grandparents are rearing their grandchildren of which 17,959 (20.8 percent) live in poverty. The effects are particularly dramatic for African American grandparents who are more likely to live at or below poverty level and without adequate social supports and financial resources (wealth assets) than any other race/ethnic group.

It is undeniable that Black women are the quintessential survivors who have been through a lot and endured it all. Marian Wright Edelman, the founder and executive director of the Children’s Defense Fund stated, “The Black family has been the strongest defense Black children have had throughout our history and must become so again.” Without minimizing the critical role of productive and strong Black males in rearing children, I contend that historically, Black grandmothers and mothers have been the strongest defense for Black children. They—Black grandmothers and mothers—have been the Black community’s saving grace.

Despite the lasting and significant contributions of Black mothers and grandmothers, there is evidence to suggest that a new generation of young Black mothers and grandmothers is emerging. This new generation is failing miserably at the most important job they will ever have to perform—rearing Black girls and boys to become healthy and productive Black men and women. I don’t ignore the structural social forces that are wreaking havoc in the black community and making it hard for Black families to thrive and survive e.g. racism, poverty, violence, victimization, poor education, substandard housing, and inadequate health care. However, even in the midst of struggle, the task of rearing Black children to succeed against all odds must not go unattended.

As a community, we must recommit ourselves to restoring the village that was once in tact and a critical determinant of our collective progress. We must establish and implement through our social, faith and community-based organizations programs that teach young mothers how to be exemplary parents and positive role models for their children. We must teach young mothers how to create environments where hope grows, and where children are protected from harm, have pride in themselves, confidence in their abilities, and faith in a God is able to do any thing but fail.

In essence, we must help young mothers to realize that as Langston Hughes wrote in his famous poem “Mother to Son,” which I revised for the occasion, that:

“Life isn’t a crystal stair. It’s got tacks in it, splinters, and boards torn up and places with no carpet on the floor—bare. But all the time, you must keep on climbing on, and reaching landings, and turning corners, and sometimes going in the dark, where there isn’t any light. No matter what, you mustn’t turn back or sit down on the steps because you find it’s hard. Don’t you fall now but keep on going, keep on climbing and just know that for mothers, especially Black mothers, life isn’t, has never been, and won’t ever be a crystal stair.”